god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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