i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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