Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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