I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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