Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
