She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
