Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
