I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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