He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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