is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My penis needs a shock collar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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