god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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