'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
