I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
