My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
