Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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