he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's blow job season.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
