All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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