Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
