and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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