so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
