I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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