He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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