Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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