I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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