He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
