i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
