I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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