A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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