please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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