So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
