there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
