So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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