textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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