Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
