yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
