The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
