but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
