dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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