You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
