Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
