it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
