somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
