Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
