Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
