Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
