Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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