everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
