how can u be prego again
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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