The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
