first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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