I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
