GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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