God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
