this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
