So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm really into asian looking animals
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
