the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
