Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
