its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
