thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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